12 replies to this topic

[rhgunguy]

So, I've been married to a wonderful woman for three years and an handful of days. I love the hell out of her, seriously she is perfect. She is the black sheep of the family, but only because she isn't the perfect Mormon daughter and she married a heathen Lutheran. Her family on the other hand drives me crazy with their lack of boundaries and well, sometimes cooth.

Like after we got engaged, her mom gave her younger sister-who was already engaged for some months-her grandmother's engagement ring until her fiance could buy something better(than what I got my wife was what I read into it).

Or after they got married, but before our wedding, we were all going to California for her cousin's wedding. It somehow came up at dinner that they had just bought eight plane tickets(Father, mother, three sisters, brother, my wife and the brother-in-law). My darling just about lost it right there at the table because they were buying him a ticket and not one for me. Chosing my words carefully, I told her it wasn't a big deal since I had already budgeted tickets for the both of us, since she was my fiance and it was my job to support her.

Or the time that the aformentioned sister and fiance got married and he took an internship in Germany. The inlaws paid for the entire family to go visit except for my wife and I, since we had jobs. My truck got offered to help haul luggage to the airport. But their car broke down on the way, so SIX people crowded into my Tacoma extended cab and away they went.

Or when my wife's grandmother passed not long after we found out she was pregnant. At the time we were trying to pile up money and get out of debt in case of any unforseens(if you are a Ramsey person, you will understand) and flying to Utah for the funeral realy wasn't in the budget. But my best friend is an airline pilot and offered us buddy passes, I managed to make things work at work and I sold a gun I didn't shoot much to cover the expenses. After all that, my mother-in-law spent most of the time complaining that the rest of the family wasn't there. I get being distraught, but it was hardly unexpected and I had moved heaven and earth to get my wife and I there.

All that really doesn't bother me. What bothers me about all that is that it bothers my wife.

Then there was this weekend when her brother invited himself to a grill out I we were having with friends and proceded to pitch a multi-level marketing travel program to my friends.

But what really bothers me is that in the morning, my mother and father-in-law are taking MY TRUCK and driving it from Iowa to Arizona to get her share of the stuff from the estate of grandma. The truck that I worked long and hard to save for. The one that I spent hours researching. The one that gets washed every week and has rarely seen the tach above 2500. The nicest thing that I have ever owned, aside from our house. Was I even asked? No, that went through the wife. What will I be driving in my beloved truck's basence? An early 90's Saturn. The SAME CAR that died on the way to the airport. That is what I have to get to work for the next two days and all of Memorial Day weekend.

Now I will grant you that my mother-in-law watches our son on the weekdays. But all the other siblings have been assured that they will receive the same treatment and she offered, we never asked. However that isn't good enough for me. I bought them a new deep freeze when theirs was going south, we are paying for family pictures and about half a dozen other things because I don't like owing anyone anything.

Don't get me wrong, they are nice people, but I guess the way I was raised I just don't ask for or expect anyone else to take care of me now that I am an adult. I felt ashamed to accept buddy passes, I think I would pass out while attempting to ask someone to drive their truck half way accross the country and back.

Thanks for listening to me vent and PLEASE tell me if I am being a selfish douche. I was an only child for awhile, so it is a possibility.

Edited by rhgunguy, 24 May 2012 - 01:54 AM.

[JimmyZip]

I do not own a nice truck. It is a 2003 tacoma extra cab with a shell and ladder racks. I'll be dead and burried before I would let my in-laws, whom I really love too, drive my truck to haul anything across state lines. They can go rent a truck, or better yet, one of those u-haul trailers. And if my wife let this happen behind my back, which would never happen because I HAVE BOUNDARIES, I would think long and hard about whose ass she was looking out for.

It sounds to me like you need to tell them no, and set your boundaries. Good fences make great neighbors. I can tell Mrs. Zip ANYTHING! She has my back, and I have hers. Her mother talked out of turn once recently, and got an earful from my wife. The MIL looks to me as if I should reign her in, hell no! That's my woman, man and I have her back too!

TEAMWORK MY BROTHER!

[Round_Gun_Shooter]

But what really bothers me is that in the morning, my mother and father-in-law are taking MY TRUCK and driving it from Iowa to Arizona to get her share of the stuff from the estate of grandma. The truck that I worked long and hard to save for. The one that I spent hours researching. The one that gets washed every week and has rarely seen the tach above 2500. The nicest thing that I have ever owned, aside from our house. Was I even asked? No, that went through the wife.

What I hate is in three years of marriage you are yet to realize you have more problems than the In-Laws. If you want it to last you need to talk this out.

[DoubleL]

Yes to teamwork. Big time. With my wife and I, whatever problems I had with her family would be her problems too. And they were. Once she was aware she got in the fight, so to speak. It's a two way street, the problems she had with my family became mine too.

Once both families realize that tangling with one of you means tangling with both, building the boundaries you desire becomes very easy.

I helped family, blood and in laws, that are less fortunate or down on their luck, your wife has a good man. Wife needs to realize that help is independent of the love you two share for each other. If you don't or can't help it can not affect the two of you. You and the wife need to make a stand together. It will not be fun.

I'm not touching the religion aspect with a ten foot pole. You're on your own with that one!

So no, you don't seem like a D Bag.

[leas327]

If your wife knows you love that truck as much as you say and lent it out without your consent. There are boundary issues closer to home than your in-laws.

I have two vehicles and my wife would not loan out my truck without talking to me. BTW I loan out my truck to pretty much anyone in our families who asks. I let a co-worker take my Accord home to West Virginia when his car's computer crapped out and wouldn't recognize his key. I had only worked with him for a couple months. I don't get too wound up about that kind of stuff.

Here is the thing. Trucks come and go. Even if you take extremley good care of that truck you will either A. Get tired of it and get a new ride. or B. Drive it into the dirt. With the way things are now car makers know exactly how long stuff will last and they only design it to last so long. 80's Toyotas were notorious in Ohio to have wood flat beds and 300,000 miles. 90's trucks died of the rusted frame disease. I will bet they have it worked out now, 200,000 and throw it away. You got your monies worth.

The truck will be gone but you will still have your in-laws. In a perfect world they will be a part of your life until you take the big dirt nap. Don't be a push over but don't be a d-bag. It is a delicate balance.

[AlamoShooter]

after 25+ years my sister inlaw is about the only problem my wife and I have

[pjb45]

My wife tried to please her mom, brother, and sister all the time. She made all kinds of compromises and put us second behind them.

Christmas Eve and Christmas was a nightmare every year. My daughter and I just sucked it.

Crappy in-laws are the worst! The guilt trips they can lay on your significant other can be unbearable. My heart goes out to you. I wish there was a solution.

[blaster113]

its definitely hard when in laws are involved and they show favortism or outright dislike or disrespect. sounds like its time for the proverbial foot to be put down.

with that said my inlaws pretty much dont bother the wife and I, its my own dysfunctional family (which thankfully lives a few islands away) that causes me/us grief. I'm glad 70 miles of Pacific Ocean and a $160 plane ticket separate us

Edited by blaster113, 24 May 2012 - 02:54 PM.

[GrumpyOne]

My mother in law has lived with my wife and I for the last 8 years..... Not gonna say anymore about that.....

[Canuck223]

The way my wife and I deal with BS like this is simple.

We recognize first and foremost that our responsibility is to each other and our household first.
We recognize that when outside pressures or demands exist, we act as a group, not as individuals.
We recognize that even when one has already formed an intention or plan, we feign the need to confer with our spouse, even if it is just to lay out our needs privately.

I hate in-laws without boundaries, but I can only manage them, I can't fix them.

[Aglifter]

As you mentioned you were Christian...(The son shall leave his mother and father, etc)

Edited by Aglifter, 24 May 2012 - 04:13 PM.

[AlamoShooter]

OM Gosh. I just had this terrible vision of the In-laws car throwing a rod when you are driving it!

Go rite now and Rent a cheep car so that nothing can happen to the in-laws car with you driving it.


And it will set the standard on borrowing cars.

[ima45dv8]

Good grief, rhgunguy,

Opening a Hate thread and asking for advice and/or feedback is paramount to screaming, "Quick! Close this! It's a discussion!"



Closed (obviously).